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Happy Valentine’s Day: From Dr. James Wadley


As we move toward another Valentine’s day, it seems imperative that we take a look at ourselves in order to give our partners the best of us on February 14th and beyond.  Sure, we may have fallen somewhat short on our new year’s resolutions but that does not mean that we cannot get back on the right track to be the best person for the love of our lives.  What I’m suggesting is that there needs to be some sort of paradigmatic shift from debilitative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that currently exist to be a more refined sense of ourselves AND utilize the skills to reveal that sense of self to others. With that in mind, I briefly present to you three ideas for people who are ready to adapt and change themselves for Valentine’s Day and beyond:

The ability to be honest with oneself and others.

Imagine this: You are with your partner or loved one and you ask him or her for their opinion and they present to you their unadulterated, honest to God, truth. Though you are disappointed in their sentiments, you THANK them because you know that they have given you needed feedback and insight that you may not have had. PHEW!!! Can you handle the truth? Are you ready for the?

truth? Are you ready to be honest? If you answered, “Yes,” to these questions, HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY TO YOU!!!  

 The ability to expand your sexual choices (e.g., healthy and consensual) beyond social expectations or “boxes”. 

Imagine this: You exist in a world that YOUR sexuality and YOUR choices are not predetermined/predestined by what your family, your partner, or what society dictates for you. You claim responsibility for YOUR actions and YOUR choices and because those attributes belong to you, you are able to experience freedom to do what you want. HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY TO YOU!!!

The attitude transformation to be accepting and possibly celebrant of those who are unlike you. 

Imagine this: You meet, mingle, and spend time with people who have different sexual orientations, different lifestyles, and different ideas about sexuality, the world, and relationships. Because of this relational transformation with others, you give yourself a chance to learn, grow, and possibly change (e.g., attitudes, feelings, and behaviors) for the better….HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY TO YOU!!!


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Dr. James Wadley

Dr. James Wadley is Director of the Master of Human Services Program at Lincoln University. He is a licensed professional counselor and marriage, family, and sexuality therapist in the States of Pennsylvania and New Jersey. He’s also the author of “The Lost and Found Box.” You can learn more about him at drjameswadley.com or tweet him @phdjamesw.

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