Why Are Black Girls So Damn Difficult

It must suck to be a Black woman. You can’t go out to the bar without throwing a drink in someone’s face. All of your friends talk shit behind your back. You never get chosen on the Bachelor. Your boyfriend only takes you to McDonalds. Either you go to an inner city high school that’s in need of Michelle Pfeiffer to help you learn to read or you’re stuck in the suburbs as the sassy sidekick to some witty blonde. Apparently Maury Povich is the only positive male role model in your life. Oh and don’t you dare get out of line with your man because the State Farm guy is always waiting to replace you with someone a shade lighter and with less attitude. That’s how TV portrays Black women so that has to be true, right? They’re all eye rolling, church going, McNugget eating, man problem having females whose only positives seem to be the ability to dance and dress nice. Today’s special word is BULLSHIT, as in the portrayal of Black women in the media has become straight bullshit.

I was at lunch with my Jewish homie and we were talking about Black girl slander and I asked him what his impression of it was, he laughed and said, “TV makes me think that they’re all ticking time bombs waiting to yell at people“. EXACTLY! I know a variety of Black women ranging from ratchets and hoes to scholars and soccer moms, so I know how to differentiate stereotypes from the real. However, if you are a TV junkie who lives in Agora Hills and the only Black people you have experienced have names like NeNe and Fantasia you are going to have some bias when a gang of Black women walk into the restaurant. “Oh gosh, Rebecca, they’re about to start talking loud and arguing over who’s a non motherfucking factor“. TV makes it seem like Black chicks are either going to sing for America’s Votes or rip each other’s weaves out. I enjoy watching ratchet reality shows because I know that it’s mostly scripted, but most of America isn’t in on the joke. Little Black girls growing up on this shit see the house, jewelry, and clothes and think because Chrissie can punch a bitch, do no jail time, then get invited to a stripper party it’s okay for her to act a fool as well. Entertainment is one thing but there should be a balance where you can say clearly, “this woman is fighting because she’s low class but this woman is talking out her problems because she has self respect“. Where is that counter? Oprah and Michelle Obama? Nigga please, ain’t nobody under 25 relating to those deities. Since the Cosby Show went off the air Black girls have been portrayed as Ghetto Divas who are hard to love and difficult to get along with. It’s time for these misconceptions to end. Since TV won’t have a proper representation of the type of complex females I’m talking about until next year, I’m going to dispel some myths about the so-called typical Black female.

Black Girls Are Ghetto:


Despite what Media Take Out will have you believe, the world isn’t filled with C-section scared strippers and five-year-old girls with blonde weave. The hood is the hood, I’m not trying to pretend that ignorant people don’t exist, but not everyone comes from that. There will always be that pregnant chick rolling a blunt on her porch while her four year old is in the house cooking a Hot Pocket on a Foreman grill. But this is the 21st century and that type of thing isn’t the norm.  Yes, we all like to laugh at those kinds of people, I constantly point to ratchet behavior as proof that we can do better, but what happens when dumb ass people start to emulate that behavior because they think it’s cute? Ghettomania. The reason why it seems like every Black girl in America is ghetto isn’t because they are, it’s because the majority give into basic ass ways in an attempt to seem cool. No one wants to be labeled a hood rat, but they love to front as if they’re bout that life because the world of neck tattoos and Moscato drinking is what society promotes as fun. “You ain’t tatted up, bitch you corny” What kinda backwoods shit is that? Let me see you Tat your GPA on your neck instead of that ratchet ass nickname nobody calls you. Dude came out with a song about Wal-Mart with bitches in booty shorts, two days later I see a girl and her friend twitpic themselves at Wal-Mart in booty shorts #WallyWorld. Are you serious? Monkey see Monkey do; well let’s see all of the beautiful Black women who run through Rodeo Drive not Wal-Mart. Can we get an interview with the sexy girls who direct the music videos not just the one’s shaking their ass in the video? Let’s talk about the ones who graduate from Ivy League universities not just the ones who stab each other in dorm rooms. We live in a society where they love when girls talk like Monique and are quick to call a chick an Oreo if she dares to enunciate her words without an accent. There are always two sides to a coin, but I guess if it doesn’t perpetuate a stereotype then it’s not worth seeing.

Black Girls Are Gold Diggers:


Contrary to popular belief, most Black women will choose love over a bank account, but if I listen to the media, every one of them turns into a hoe once Derwin Davis steps in the room. A lot of women end up with guys who will never break six figures a year, yet this glorification of the big booty girl with long fingernails proclaiming, “Girl, I gotta get me a baller” is embedded in Pop Culture. Tell me how many Black women have fucked their way onto the E channel? How much money has Hugh Hefner tricked on darkskin girls? Karrine Steffans had to suck hundreds of dicks just to sell a book, Kendra sucked one wrinkled dick and she became a brand. Let’s be serious. No woman wants to fall in love with a broke nigga, going after a guy who is financially competent doesn’t make you a gold digger that makes you normal, is better for them to get a sex toy and enjoy themselves than to be with one of them, are you interested ? check on Yolo Sex Toys for one. You should look at the kind of car he’s driving and what type of job he has, no girl wants to get sidetracked by a guy who can’t take her places. But If you add up all the successful gold diggers in Los Angeles and put them in the Staples Center, I’m Magic Johnson positive that Black girls won’t make up 10% of that room.

Black Girls Love Tyler Perry:


Family Guy had a great exchange between Lois and Cleveland’s Wife Donna.

Lois: Why does Laura Linney always look like she’s just finished skiing?
Donna: I don’t know who that is.
Louis: Really? The Big C?
Donna: No, never heard of her.
Louis: Would you know who she was if I said Tyler Perry’s Laura Linney?
Donna: Ooh, I love her!!!

The truth of the matter is Black women go see his movies because there is NO alternative. Try picking out the Black girls in a typical Romantic Comedy and you’ll be left with the Sassy Mail Lady, the Sassy Waitress, or the token Black bff who they threw in for diversity… who’s also sassy. Emma Stone is cute and all but Black chicks aren’t relating to “Easy A”. It’s not that they love the mess Tyler Perry puts out; they just want to see characters that look like them on the big screen who aren’t secondary.

Black Girls Are Self Righteous:


There is this “oh god, let’s hear what the Black women are going to complain about now” mentality that people have as if they all chase controversy like Al Sharpton. I think this comes from the media coverage of C. Delores Tucker laughably fighting against 2pac’s use of the word “bitch” as if she were Rosa Parks fighting for civil rights. That was a case of the old generation not understanding how the new generation expresses themselves, not Black women being easily offended. Black women of the past few generations are the most understanding group of people in the world.The reason it seems like they are so easily offended is because like anything, those who are upset make the MOST noise. When Nelly’s Tip Drill video came under fire, it wasn’t every Black girl in America who was screaming bloody murder, it was a small percentage made up of overly sensitive people who had clout. I’ve never in my life talked to a woman who was upset about Tip Drill. There are a lot of things that disrespect Black women, Dutch Magazines, McDonalds commercials, the phrase “can I touch your hair“, but a music video full of paid women having fun is not on the list. There will always be two schools of thoughts conservative and liberal. Conservatives would see Black Girls Are Easy and ignorantly dismiss it based off a title they think they understand, and then there are the liberals who read and analyze before jumping to conclusions. It’s safe to say the liberals won.

Black Girls Have Attitudes: BULLSHIT

Why is the woman in the Statefarm Ad yelling = her boyfriend. Why is Yvette in Baby Boy yelling = Jody. Why does NeNe need money to make her feel confident = An abusive husband. Show me a damaged woman and I’ll show you a man who damaged her ass, be it her Daddy or a boyfriend.With all these jokes about Black Girl Attitude, no one ever looks to the source of why she’s rolling her eyes and cocking her head in disgust. She’s mad because she’s been done wrong. I’ve seen it with my own eyes how a girl who was so nice in high school is now jaded and fussy. What happened to her? People who come back from The War aren’t the same, and love is Vietnam. When a woman is cheated on, toyed with, or constantly lied to; that shit strips her of that innocence and corrodes her patience. I’ve experienced a lot of women who have chips on their shoulders and they took it out on me, even though I wasn’t to blame. Regardless of race, all women who have been hurt have those kinds of walls up; Black girls just express it in a certain way. If she’s blowing up over small shit, then best believe there are bigger issues at hand. In the words of Drizzy, “Who’s paying for all that therapy, um nigga not me“. We as men should not be made to pay for what the guy before us did to her, but we shouldn’t be so quick to add fuel to the fire either. Instead of helping her deal with those anger issues or giving her a shoulder to cry on, most of us just get her to drop her guard long enough to smash, then bounce because we don’t want to deal with her crazy ass. Imagine that happening to you several times? That’s the reason Black women rage against the machine known as mankind because a large percentage have been cut open, stitched up, then had those stitches ripped out again. By the time she meets a guy who could be Mr. Right, she’s hiding behind her attitude because that’s the only defense mechanism she has left. The perception that Black girls are hard to get along with or ticking time bombs is propaganda. If you treat a Black woman right and take time to understand her, Black girls aren’t any more difficult than any other women, in fact, Black girls are easy.


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Michael Bailey

Michael Bailey is the Chief Curator of Information at The MinorityEye a nationally recognized news blog that focuses on news, events and issues relevant minority communities. He is also an Integrated Marketing Communication Specialist at TME Media Group. His firm provides consulting and training services to non-traditional entrepreneurs as well as corporate, state and local agencies on how to develop integrated marketing strategies that connect with minority consumers.

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  1. Reading all of the comments on Facebook made me sad to see how many people missed the point. Many of them even said it “It’s some black women not all” yet the continue to focus their criticism of that small percentage of “ratchet”. I don’t understand why not focus the light on the members of the black female population that are responsible and productive? I am part of that percentage that grew up in a great family, neighborhoods, schools and opportunities and people pushing me towards them. Why can’t I be represented in film and art as something great? Oh right cause ratchet is the only goal. Maybe I missed the point……

  2. @Benard Golden your comment is sad because it’s so close-minded. There are many factors that weigh into a persons character. There are plenty of people that grow up in underprivileged neighborhoods and are not the way you described. People underestimate the power of social capital. You can live in the hood and still come from a family that has morals and values. From the way your comment is written, I’m gonna assume English is your second language. Maybe you even grew up outside of America. I’m kinda hoping that is the case because you sound like you only know what the media portrays about Black American Women.

  3. I think this article is very well written, straight to the point but extremely one-sided just the same. What gets left out are the good brothers who get broken down by the scarred woman because of the last cat who did her wrong because of the last female who did him dirty because of………so on and so on. Yes black women get hurt and should hold a man to a higher standard but a lot of black men have been hurt as well because of the vicious cycle. It’s rare that it’s spoken to because we’re men and have to handle things differently but we take some of the same hits and deal with the same situations as women do. Just my thoughts

  4. I’ve read this post and to me it’s a wake up call for our community to embrace our sistas once more. IM A PROUD SUCCESSFUL BLACK GAY MAN. And I couldn’t have done it without my beautiful black women who are in my life holding me up. Natasha Carr that comment about Chrisotpher being gay stung for NOT ALL GAY MEN THINK THAT WAY. In fact I fight for my sistas to be heard and valued. Being I come from a single parent home, my mother has always been a symbol of strength and courage. Black women have always had to be independent due to circumstantial, generational and even at times to simply fill the void of father not being there period. Although I am not emotionally and sexually attracted to Black women I do however understand the root of where this so called ATTITIUDE AND SASSINESS comes from. Black women since slavery have always been vulnerable and having to protect themselves from the myths and misconceptions of this planet and Black men general have found it easier to search for someone docile and not call him out on his shit or stroke his ego. Black men its time we are accountable for our shit and stop running away, our shit stinks too! There is a level of standard and accountability Black women have to make up for too however this article pointed out a tip of the ice berg whe. It comes to our interactions and perceptions of Black women.

  5. This was a very well thought out, and informative article. I commend you for writing an article that is part of a dialog that our community needs.

    My only regret is that you don’t see the use of Nigga as connected to the self-degrading references and treatments that our community and the community at large unleashes upon black girls and women. It’s all connected.

    But overall, kudos to your article and don’t be distracted by my constructive critisism if you are not quite at the point that I was making. It is still solid work.

  6. Thank you. We are the most exploited race out there. Other women and some men pay money to look like us but abuses us physically and emotionally but they can’t break us spiritually.

  7. Being an African american woman today in the 21 st century is very hard because of the way the media portrays our race. Whatever happened to the TV shows like The Cosby Show? They was all replaced with Jerry Springer and shows like Housewives. Chris Rock with his movie called. “Hair, ” really explains the low self esteem black women of today have when it comes to hair. after reading this article I cringe because in reality everything in this article is true. Black women need to learn how to love themselves a little better, set standards for themselves, and have better role models. thank you for taking time out to write this article, I hope more African American women read this article.

  8. Thank you so much for that article. Its like the world has gone crazy. No we all arent from the hood. And to add to that not everyone from the hood is ignorant and “ghetto”. I like all races so it hurts me to see how black women myself included. I am humble, calm and generally a happy person. I know more like that than not. But the media controllers think its more entertaining to watch a black woman get loud or show her large round butt and shake it. And I am not old I am a 80s born 90’s grown. When I hear or see a black man out of all races. Say black women are too much trouble and have attitudes. I lose all respect for that man. I repeat there is nothing wrong with biracial/multi racial couple, this is america. I could name a few stars or different races that I find attractive . But if you specifically avoiding your own race. You need therapy because there may be some self hate there. And to the MEN with this Mentality You were most likely raised by a black women. We sacrafice. We are loyal and we love and protect ours.

  9. This post is nothing more then a negative shameful lie. i most certainly know;that all BLACK QUEENS do not act in such manner you described in your post. It is unfortunate that you weren’t raised with an good example of a BLACK WOMAN.

    SN: You must be one screwed up MAN or Woman (dnt know and dnt care to scroll up and see) to think such negativity against one group of ppl. HATERRR.

  10. Personally, I think this is just a way for people to continually find reasons to hate. People’s first reaction most times is to belittle or talk ish about someone… you see it all over FB and more… people see a picture and “BAM” here come the insults… If you’re Democrat, Repub, White, Black, Hispanic, Muslim, etc…etc..etc… It seems that it’s more in people’s nature to maim rather than to love. I agreed with a lot of comments above, and it hurts that being a white woman there is still so much anger and hostility between a woman of color and myself…because of our history. But if you fall I will help pick you up, if you’re sad I’ll help dry your tears, if you need prayer, honey I’ll stand at the alter with you!! There are stereotypes of all nationalities … which have been conjured up by people who just can’t love, or get over being bitter, or whatever the prob is… Every person comes from a unique background some may consider similar to others’ but it’s still our own walk. We make decisions for what we choose to believe, believe in, or scrutinize. I think we all put up barriers and give ourselves reasons as to why we didn’t “make it” and so it makes it easier to blame someone else.. I’ve done it and growing up I’ve had to learn how to not become the victim and make myself a person who deserves respect.. If you don’t like it, then you don’t have to stay around. I’ve lost and found many friends because of how I choose to view things.

  11. First, let me state that I agree with a lot of the statements above and you have made great points, but allow me to address something that I see. There are actually of lot of topics that this conversation could touch, but I’ll just address this one. From what I’ve seen, many sisters that I have come across need to first develop a stronger love for theirselves. Problems such as sister being jaded by being hurt by a man could very well also be a resort of poor decisions in the kind of guy that she has dealt with, reflecting to some extent how much she loves herself. If that is the case, I have met plenty of sisters who will not own up to their responsibility in that regard and that’s why I absolutely feel it is extremely wrong for a good brother to suffer the lashes from the actions of a no good brother before him. Previous relationships should be life lessons to make you smarter and not an advocate of making the next relationship harder. Moving along, when the false report about Taye Diggs making a comment that being around sisters made him miss his wife, who is Caucasian, I saw so many commets from sisters that made it appear as though they internalized the comment and took it very personal. I’m not saying that a comment as such should make you smile, but I don’t understand why it would be internalized. If you are a sister like this message above indicates and you have a lot of love for yourself, then when comments are made to suggest otherwise, you wouldn’t even think twice to entertain it. Furthermore, I would love to see more black women standing together to change how they are being portrayed on the television, because then you would be doing something about it.

  12. Very valid point made! stop pointing the finger and start stretching your arms & maybe lending a hand in uplifting ourselves as a people. It’s “EASY” to walk away from a problem instead of reflecting on the role an individual played, praying for a resolution to the issue and moving on . Dare to b Different & actually utilize your voices for the good. It’s easy to emphasize on the negative black white or polka dot that’s an issue people have all by themselves.

  13. If you are dressed a certain way and have a weave longer than your natural hair will ever be and make up caked up on your face then people are going to just assume youre ghetto. You have to look the way you in which you want to ve taken and if you think you’re a classy lady google some Kerry Washington outfits instead of Nicki Manaj

  14. I think it’s hilarious that only the black men are calling this bs even the white ppl have empathy as to what it could be like because every gender of race of sexuality has their own experience living in this world but there are definitely unspoken similarities within black women even if you aren’t apart of that environment you very well may experience someone putting you in that category simply because of how you look and unfortunately it well more than likely come from someone with the same ethnic background as you…when we start to believe the stereotypes that’s when they get all the unapologetic angry black men on here not sure what happend in your past but God be with women date outside of your race and it will expose you to a whole new experience..even if you are from that stereotypical environment it probably will be an even better experience because I am and it is..peace be unto you all 🙂

  15. Is there really a difference between a black woman and some other woman.. Come on guysss…women shd be loved and celebrated, they r not really different. Their past myt be but they r nt different, as long as they ve the image of GOd, they r beautiful…. is life, just learn not to waste it…

  16. You all are talking about use of profanity which isn’t the point the over all message is what’s important lets not get distracted… Interesting article tho

  17. Interesting points, and I completely agree that black women are portrayed completely unfairly in the media. Your article was a good read.. Until you unnecessarily spewed gibberish about being Conservative versus Liberal. It was irrelevant and was a bit of a detriment to the piece. I can’t speak for everyone else, but I can certainly say it was a distraction from the point you were attempting to make. For a person who believes that a person should not be judged on skin color (which I completely agree with), that one statement just came across as extremely closed-minded and made an assumption that conservatives do not think through their beliefs and decisions. I wouldn’t even consider myself a conservative, but I found that statement to question the validity of the author. We will never make progress if we do not try to understand the opposition but instead make blanketed statements.

  18. This article is true. I’m constantly berated (mainly by my own people) for my speech, the way I carry myself, the food I eat so on & so forth. I am mainly interested in non black men because i find we have more similarities in our upbringing. I’m also working on a Master’s degree & I have no children, but that doesn’t stop the world from stereotyping me & not giving me as many chances as they would a non black woman. They are often times surprised & let me know. It’s very insulting.

  19. Wow. Y is this a arguement? All black wemon aren’t like this.. its jus wa statement somejackass had a opinion about. Yes there r black wemon that are wild but then again. Lol they are all races that have there ways. Its all about who u wanna b. Just because one act one way doesn’t mean the next does. I think that’s some ol racist bs to me. Really. Black dude take u straight to mcdonalds. Lol. Nope.. my husband didn’t take me to mcdonald 1st tyme or anything on our dates. I mean who made this up. Lol. Lets pick some other rases an make a article an I bet it’ll b some pissed off ppl out there.

    I don’t feel like us black people should exsplain shit. Justify shit. No nothing. I don’t see why. I say if u say some ignorant ish. Lets say some off the wall offinsive ish about you guys. Yea dat may be childish but you’ll feel how we feel at the end.

  20. Its sad to see so many men hating on this article. It just shows that its easier to turn your back or make excuses for their behavior than own up to reality.
    Truth is, people will be people whether male or female and as such there will always be those who set out to hurt you. However, some behaviors are learned behaviors and whether u guys like it or not its the sad reality. We have to step back and look at yourselves in the mirror.
    They are good guys who get hurt by bad girls but who made the girls that way? Some fucked up guy. That doesn’t excuse her behavior but we are talking about how to prevent such an outcome. Stop playing around and you wont get played.

  21. We can talk about this issue all we want but until African Americans as a whole choose to help each other instead of tearing each other down the stereotypes will never stop.. we have well educated black woman all over the place but who the first person to be pointed out is someone fresh out the hood and I wouldnt even go that far because I use to live in the hood but you would never know it talking to me.. ive seen plenty of white woman on bad girls club or on tv portrayed as whores or crazy or drunks but no one ever stereotypes them for it.. me being a black woman I am none of those things. When I was violent I fought because I thought I was alone and that everyone hated me due to being a victom of extreme bullying I thought the only to get people to leave me alone was to fight them off.. now that im a little older I dont fight, I dont yell, if im dating I rarely argue, I dont cheat.. some of my exs still try to keep in touch and always apolgize for how they treated me and tell me I didnt deserve it… I hate being class as a low class woman because im black. I know how to act and I know how to talk. I didnt use punctuation because im typing all of this on my phone and its sort of a hassle.. I cant sit with the forst lady as if I took etiquette lessons.. my father walked out on us when I was young and that has affected my love like because he never showed love for me while he was here and now im learning what I should look out for but I NEVER blame my current for my past. I dont try to make it seem as id they are doing something and I DONT GO SNOOPING THROUGH HIS THINGS.. if he is cheating it will come out in the open, why look for the heartache? I dont like confrontation id rather make a wonderful black man happy and make him choose to NOT cheat by giving him every reason to come home to me… I jist wish others would think like this. I love black men and I choose to uplift them because their manhood, pride, their roleIin our lives are being stripped away. I love a strong dominant man. Im a woman thats what I want. Someone who provides for me while I care for him like the old school did. Im 19 and no one dare call me ratched and it be true. At the moment I have completed college, without children. I have no tattoos, dont smoke, dont party, dont have wild sex.. im focusing on building my brand and my business. I want to be established by 25 and I dont want any children til my 30 and married. I AM A BLACK WOMAN!

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